I have seen one great malady in the world, you pick fights online, but they fall short, far below my standard. The coronavirus is doing a much better work than you, really. I laugh in disgust.
So why don’t you, Christian, take a seat in my online class.
It’s free, no worries. No fuss. If you’re game to see this world blow up from worse to worst, here are 6 quick steps to get there:
1. Forget you are a sinner.
To pick better fights online, you must make yourself immune from every possibility that you can be wrong. Reject the truth that you are fallen. If you’re convinced that you are better than others, that there’s no log in your eyes, then surely, your self-confidence can make your words sound louder. The louder, the better.
2. If you can’t beat them, brand them.
Yes, don’t give them an ear. If they don’t agree with you. Categorize them. Brand them, like you would your trash – biodegradable and non-biodegradable. Forget they are persons. Call them whatever – DDS, Dilawan, piece of sh*t, bobo. Be your own god, name them. Go ahead, please.
3. Tame them with shame.
Furthermore if you’re still triggered, and they’re still not getting it, if you can’t go deeper in conversation, then go below the belt, of course! It works because it provokes! No one can talk back if their balls are punched, right? Win the game with your own rules. Condemn always. Tame them with shame. I tell you, that’s how the father of lies works, and it works. Be like him.
4. Be a lover of pride.
Don’t stop with feeling proud over what you’re fighting for, go further, by loving pride itself. Yes, pride protects you. Pride fortifies your argument and yourself. Self-preservation is the glorified self-care, try it. It protects you from an outdated virtue called, “humility.” Humility is weak it won’t get us anywhere. Hold on to pride. And remember, always always fight for your right. Don’t worry about being kind, just as long as you’re right. Go go go!
5. Use Scripture.
You must be shocked! I know.. because there are only a few who can. With a little practice, you can twist it for your own advantage. Once you use this, it can make your statements sound like moral absolutes! Do it like a Pharisee, that’s dope. The trick is to make the Bible say something, instead of it speaking to you.
And remember, use it to fortify and probe your arguments, but NEVER let it probe your heart. Stay politically woke. But stay spiritually asleep. Do these, and voila, you now know how to pick fights online better.
6. Go do you, always.
Because you are rarely wrong. Don’t be like your Christ, Christian. Pffft. Go do you.
Til our next online class! Cheering you on! Go do you! ‘
Love Hate,
Tonso
(This write-up is inspired by C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters. In this article, the demon, “Tonso” is giving an online class to a “Christian” on how to fight online – the demon’s way.)
Thinking Millennial 