A post about the past

Whenever I don’t feel okay,
one of the things I do
is to go through my past notebooks.

There in the pages are piles of mess.
Out-of-place doodles,
Unreadable scribbles,
unfinished poems,
It-is-finished verses,
and prayer narratives –
usually having tones of frustration,
then thanksgiving.

It’s amazing how much treasure trove,
Our notebooks can hold.
So much about the past,
I don’t know if they are worthy to be told.

They say that all our past – we have to forget.

But I beg to differ.

Browsing through my notes,
I found strength in past grace,
that God has been good to me
days and months before,
Even before I came to be,
Years and years and more.

Then I would be reminded
that just as He was good then,
He is good now,
and He will be good in the future-
because that’s who He is.

I may feel differently.
But truth does not change,
even if I do.

And for that – our moody selves,
our demented hormones,
our unstable minds,
our wavering faith,
have undying hope.

In the past,
I saw His redeeming hand on a crooked culture,
I saw His love for a harlot,
I saw His forgiveness towards a king who fell short,
I saw His affection to a tax collector,
I saw His endearment to faith-deaf disciples,
I saw His patience towards His own persecutor,

In the past, I saw.
And by saw, I meant,
I read with eyes of faith.
And the more I stared,
I asked,
wait… isn’t this me?

Defensive Crook.
Idol-clinging Harlot.
King falling short.
Greedy tax collector.
Faith-deaf disciple.
World-loving persecutor.

In many ways, more than one,
I saw the heart of man,
And In many ways more than one,
I saw the heart of the Son of Man.

How can we forget the past?
When we can see hope there too?

I bravely remembered,
And when our minds are still,
our soul somehow follows.

Silently I closed my notebook,
Then faced the day,
Although still with some gloom from yesterday,
But better now, hope is here to stay.

The past maybe
a haunting ghost
for many.

But it’s not all creep.
It’s not all trash.
It’s not all regrets.
And It’s not all bad.

So allow your mind to wander,
To the gates of the past,
Picking up on things that went right,
Passing up on things that went wrong,
Thanking God for things that He allowed,
And for the things He did not.

Then go…

• 

Go further into the gates,
Where the cross stands,
And let the memory of millenniums ago,
Wash yesterday’s regrets we want to let go.